I’m 57 years old now, just a few years shy of my mother’s age when she died at 62. My father, 17 years older than my mother, died when he was 86. As a child, I spent a lot of time around multiple generations of ‘old’ people; a great-aunt, a grandfather, cousins, and my oldest brother, who is 12 years older than I. Since I started 'growing up' all over again in the Shambhala community 33 years ago, people have appeared different to me than when I was a child. I enjoy the friendship of those who are at least 10 years older and some that are 30 years younger than me, with others in between. How did this happen? I see some of my contemporaries, friends and relatives associating mostly with people of their own age. Are they practicing ageism? I don’t know.
I do know that when my mind is drawn toward settling on an idea of how I’m supposed to look, dress, move, feel, behave, or think at this stage of life, I become trapped by hope or fear. Hope that I’ll have enough money to live with some degree of material comfort and fear that I’ll end up in a terrible nursing home. Hope that I’ll remember how to meditate and fear of being alone. Hope that I’m appropriate to continue teaching and fear that I’m out-dated.
I’m not in the greatest of physical shape, yet I still love to dance. I’m not on Facebook, yet I email every day. Sometimes I behave sillier than I ever saw my parents and sometimes I have a conservative attitude similar to theirs. I stopped coloring my hair a few years ago, yet enjoy 'decorating space' (per the Vidyadhara) with a touch of makeup. I used to think by this age I would know more. Instead, I find myself frequently saying, “I don’t get it”.
Little of how aging is occurring for me fits the model or example of my familial predecessors. My primary reference point for going forward is being sandwiched between my teachers and the teachings. I’m grateful for sometimes visualizing myself as a “16 year old in the full bloom of youth” and at other times “with shiny black moustache and eyebrows, wearing golden armor”. I’m grateful for the Elixir of Life sadhana that reminds me of what’s truly important.
I don’t know when the right time will be to call me “old”, a “senior citizen” or an “elder”. According to department stores, hotels and AARP, I’m already there. I do know that this precious human lifetime is so full of opportunities for wakefulness and temporary amnesia that I continually need to come back to the unconditional life force that sustains me; that life force in which we “possess wisdom without words and freedom from doubt”. We can call that basic goodness.
In the meantime, you can call me anything you like.
--Marita McLaughlin
25March2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
Families, aging and Shambhala
When my mother died at age 86, her only grandchild–my daughter, then 14–asked if she could have my mother’s well-worn, simple gold wedding band. Since then, my daughter–now 21–has worn that ring nearly every day. With my mother’s death, my daughter no longer had living grandparents. Wearing the ring is her way of maintaining her sense of connection to her grandparents, her history, her family.
As Susan Williams has pointed out in her introduction to the Spring Equinox theme for the Shambhala Times, families are made up of multiple generations: children, parents and grandparents, not to mention aunts, uncles, cousins and, in Shambhala, all those wonderful people we call “sangha” who may not be blood relations (in this lifetime), but somehow are so closely connected to us in the grand scheme of things that they seem like family. For some of us, the members of the Mukpo Clan may in practice be our closest relatives.
Old age is as much a part of family life as is childhood or adolescence. Years ago it was common for grandparents to be living with their children and grandchildren. Today, the oldest members of a family are frequently separate from the rest physically, and often emotionally.
Many sangha families are currently involved in the long-distance process of trying to help elderly parents who live far away. See Meg Federico’s book, Welcome to the Departure Lounge, for one sangha member’s very difficult experience.
The demographics of Shambhala society, like that of North America in general, have a large bulge in the 45-60 age bracket. Currently, 50% of Shambhalians are in that age range, with 20% being over age 60.
Clearly, in the next 10-20 years, there will be a lot of old people in Shambhala society. They will be our relatives: parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and members of the Mukpo clan. They will be us.
How will we, in Shambhala society, work with the multi-generational issue? To what extent will we maintain the connection between the young and the old? How will we relate to the needs of the older generation (whether or not they have children) as they become more in need of support?
These are questions for all of us to contemplate. They are also the focus for the Shambhala Working Group on Aging, a working group of the Sakyong’s Council. (Click here to visit the group webpage.)
One important step in beginning to work with the “koan” of aging in Shambhala may be to keep the larger view of families in mind.
Note: This article originally appeared on the Shambhala Times website. The link to the article is: http://shambhalatimes.org/2009/03/15/aging-families-and-shambhala/
-posted by David Whitehorn (Mountain Drum)
As Susan Williams has pointed out in her introduction to the Spring Equinox theme for the Shambhala Times, families are made up of multiple generations: children, parents and grandparents, not to mention aunts, uncles, cousins and, in Shambhala, all those wonderful people we call “sangha” who may not be blood relations (in this lifetime), but somehow are so closely connected to us in the grand scheme of things that they seem like family. For some of us, the members of the Mukpo Clan may in practice be our closest relatives.
Old age is as much a part of family life as is childhood or adolescence. Years ago it was common for grandparents to be living with their children and grandchildren. Today, the oldest members of a family are frequently separate from the rest physically, and often emotionally.
Many sangha families are currently involved in the long-distance process of trying to help elderly parents who live far away. See Meg Federico’s book, Welcome to the Departure Lounge, for one sangha member’s very difficult experience.
The demographics of Shambhala society, like that of North America in general, have a large bulge in the 45-60 age bracket. Currently, 50% of Shambhalians are in that age range, with 20% being over age 60.
Clearly, in the next 10-20 years, there will be a lot of old people in Shambhala society. They will be our relatives: parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and members of the Mukpo clan. They will be us.
How will we, in Shambhala society, work with the multi-generational issue? To what extent will we maintain the connection between the young and the old? How will we relate to the needs of the older generation (whether or not they have children) as they become more in need of support?
These are questions for all of us to contemplate. They are also the focus for the Shambhala Working Group on Aging, a working group of the Sakyong’s Council. (Click here to visit the group webpage.)
One important step in beginning to work with the “koan” of aging in Shambhala may be to keep the larger view of families in mind.
Note: This article originally appeared on the Shambhala Times website. The link to the article is: http://shambhalatimes.org/2009/03/15/aging-families-and-shambhala/
-posted by David Whitehorn (Mountain Drum)
Sunday, March 22, 2009
What this blog is about
What does it mean to grow old in an enlightened society? This is the fundamental contemplation that this blog will attempt to address.
Shambhala is the name of an ancient enlightened society that was said to have existed somewhere in the Himalayas. The Tibetan Buddhist teacher and master warrior, Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche, brought the concept of Shambhala, of an enlightened society, to western civilization over thirty years ago. (Link to Shambhala: Sacred Path of the Warrior).
Trungpa Rinpoche emphasized that enlightened society was not a utopian fantasy or a long lost myth, but a way of working with the world on a moment- to-moment basis.
His son and heir, Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche, in his recent book, Ruling Your World, (link to book) describes how Shambhala (enlightened society), can appear in our day-to-day lives:
“Just as in the context of Buddhism we are all already Buddha –“awake’- the world is already Shambhala. It is only because we are roaming in the kingdom of doubt and anger, jealousy and pride, that we cannot see it right now. When we see through our perpetual agitation and relax into basic goodness, the enlightened world of Shambhala begins to appear. Enlightenment is things as they are before we color them with our projections” – Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche, Ruling Your World, pp190-191
In offering this blog we recognize that some readers will be students of Shambhala who have adopted the vision of enlightened society as the basis for their life and have pursued meditation and contemplative practices to enhance the likelihood that they will, in any moment, ‘relax into basic goodness’. Other readers may be engaged in other disciplines that are intended to uncover the inherent wakefulness of the human mind. Some readers may be less interested in individual ‘enlightenment’ and more interested in how social systems can be organized so as to bring out the best in human behaviour and experience.
We welcome all readers to contemplate the simple question: what does it mean to grow old in an enlightened society?
Shambhala is the name of an ancient enlightened society that was said to have existed somewhere in the Himalayas. The Tibetan Buddhist teacher and master warrior, Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche, brought the concept of Shambhala, of an enlightened society, to western civilization over thirty years ago. (Link to Shambhala: Sacred Path of the Warrior).
Trungpa Rinpoche emphasized that enlightened society was not a utopian fantasy or a long lost myth, but a way of working with the world on a moment- to-moment basis.
His son and heir, Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche, in his recent book, Ruling Your World, (link to book) describes how Shambhala (enlightened society), can appear in our day-to-day lives:
“Just as in the context of Buddhism we are all already Buddha –“awake’- the world is already Shambhala. It is only because we are roaming in the kingdom of doubt and anger, jealousy and pride, that we cannot see it right now. When we see through our perpetual agitation and relax into basic goodness, the enlightened world of Shambhala begins to appear. Enlightenment is things as they are before we color them with our projections” – Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche, Ruling Your World, pp190-191
In offering this blog we recognize that some readers will be students of Shambhala who have adopted the vision of enlightened society as the basis for their life and have pursued meditation and contemplative practices to enhance the likelihood that they will, in any moment, ‘relax into basic goodness’. Other readers may be engaged in other disciplines that are intended to uncover the inherent wakefulness of the human mind. Some readers may be less interested in individual ‘enlightenment’ and more interested in how social systems can be organized so as to bring out the best in human behaviour and experience.
We welcome all readers to contemplate the simple question: what does it mean to grow old in an enlightened society?
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